So, we just upgraded to a bigger car seat. Huberto is getting to be a big guy and it was time. His feet were hanging out of the old one and he was just too heavy for us to carry in that thing. I came to hate his infant carrier in the last few months and began to look forward to the change. However, after installing the new one I really miss the old one.
There were many advantages to the infant carrier. First off, it was easy to get in and out of the car. I guess I should say easier. Second, if the kid is asleep you can just bring the whole thing up and set it on the floor. No waking. And finally, you could take the seat out and go right to a stroller.
I worked for a company that sold baby stuff for several years. I will not say which "R" I might get in trouble (wink, wink). I learned many a skill while working there. One of which was how to install a car seat. For those of you who have not done this since car seats evolved past a bucket and a bungee cord, let me give you a picture of what that entails.
There were many advantages to the infant carrier. First off, it was easy to get in and out of the car. I guess I should say easier. Second, if the kid is asleep you can just bring the whole thing up and set it on the floor. No waking. And finally, you could take the seat out and go right to a stroller.
I worked for a company that sold baby stuff for several years. I will not say which "R" I might get in trouble (wink, wink). I learned many a skill while working there. One of which was how to install a car seat. For those of you who have not done this since car seats evolved past a bucket and a bungee cord, let me give you a picture of what that entails.
This picture doesn't really do it justice. You can't see the tears and desperation leaking out everywhere. In our case, I had to do this in the back of a two door Honda Accord. Okay, so if your car is an older model, it was made before the latch system was even a glimmer in someone's eye. (FYI the latch system is a super easy belt that hooks into those metal things in your seat that you always snag your fingernail on when you drop a Cheetos between the cushions, and synches up with a simple tug of a strap). Since you don't have this handy dandy system, this means you get to do the old "clip on the seat belt, kneel in the seat, blind yourself with sweat, try not to swear too much or break the seat in a childish fit of rage, I give up and I'm getting out, pretend like you are not crying because you are a man, can't walk because this whole process crippled me temporarily, now do it all over until you get it right" dance. And that is if you are installing it front facing. Rear facing is the same thing only the seat is backward leaving you a quarter of the space you had and jamming a stupid cup holder through your shin.
Okay, so now that the seat is installed, you can try it out with your little one. I am not a small guy. I'm not quite as round as I am tall, but clearly Hondas are made for small people. Like any two door car with a back seat, they figure making the door six inches wider will be adequate space for people to climb on in. It is hard enough for me to get in the back seat by myself. Adding a 20lb child to my chest who think it is fun to wiggle about while we squeeze through the doorway does not help. I have to basically get in backward clutching Hugh to my chest and make loud coughing noises to disguise the sound of a baby's head bouncing off of weather seal and interior paneling. Additionally, I cover this up by acting surprised when he seems to always fall asleep once he is strapped in. Additionally, the seat belt is mounted to the floor in such a way that it is always stretched across your path in perfect position to ensnare and take you down. This usually happens more when you are getting out. You step back and for some reason your foot never reaches the ground.
Okay, so now that the seat is installed, you can try it out with your little one. I am not a small guy. I'm not quite as round as I am tall, but clearly Hondas are made for small people. Like any two door car with a back seat, they figure making the door six inches wider will be adequate space for people to climb on in. It is hard enough for me to get in the back seat by myself. Adding a 20lb child to my chest who think it is fun to wiggle about while we squeeze through the doorway does not help. I have to basically get in backward clutching Hugh to my chest and make loud coughing noises to disguise the sound of a baby's head bouncing off of weather seal and interior paneling. Additionally, I cover this up by acting surprised when he seems to always fall asleep once he is strapped in. Additionally, the seat belt is mounted to the floor in such a way that it is always stretched across your path in perfect position to ensnare and take you down. This usually happens more when you are getting out. You step back and for some reason your foot never reaches the ground.
Here is the kicker. Once inside and in the back seat, I suddenly become a T-Rex. The angle of the seat coupled with the basic shape added to the close proximity the lack of space forces upon me forces me to tuck one arm up close to my body while the other one is too short to be of any assistance. Fighting with a little monster who only desires to play with the mirror that hangs on the seat directly in front of him while you are playing contortionist is no easy task. Really makes me wonder why T-Rex was the king of all dinosaurs.
Now, getting him out of the seat is fine when he is awake. He is more than happy to help me gnaw through the straps. Once free, he springs right out and expects your arms to be there to catch him... which I always do. Even if Mommy is distracted by a sudden and loud coughing fit from Daddy. The hard part is getting both of us out unharmed and un-brain damaged.
When he is asleep, you might as well forget it. I have resorted to the mother cat pick him up by the back of the neck with my mouth style.
When he is asleep, you might as well forget it. I have resorted to the mother cat pick him up by the back of the neck with my mouth style.
Basically, the moral of the story is never date a woman who drives a 90's model Accord coupe if you think you might accidentally get her pregnant. Unless she is awesome. My wife is awesome. Have I ever mentioned that?