What I thought the last three months would be like.
It is 3am. I am sound asleep enjoying a much needed rest. The previous day was filled with crying, pooping, crying, and sitting in the same chair because anywhere else is too upsetting. This was my life before becoming a father. Sadly, the only thing that has changed is who is doing the crying and pooping, most of the time.
An ear piercing shriek rings out in the night. I sit up straight in bed realizing it wasn't me who made the noise this time. Hugh has decided it is time to wake so he can make up for the few hours he missed of crying. The tears roll down his cheeks. He doesn't want his bottle, pacifier, or to lay in bed anymore. He doesn't want his swing or bouncer either. He wants to be held. And yet, he doesn't. He wants everything and nothing all at once. I get myself settled into the rocking chair for another night of slipping in and out of a half sleep as I watch my sanity slowly slip away. Rocking to and fro, my mind slowly oozes out of my ears, onto the floor, and out the door. Goodbye sanity, I barely knew you. We courted a couple of times, but never sealed the deal. The crying continues. My final thought as I slip into oblivion is a curse to whomever invented the purple period of crying. Blackness.
This is what I imagined life as the father of a newborn would be. Praise whatever power you choose to believe in, our little Hubert is a perfect child. This is not a bragging post. Let's make that clear now. However, it will be easily confused as such because of all the awesomeness that this kid is made up of. Let's look at it as a story of hope for all those on the road to being parents.
Since his homecoming (not the High School Dance he is too young for that) he has settled in just fine. There was very little crying at all. He wanted to eat every couple of hours, but who doesn't. He didn't shed a tear until much later. I don't even remember what that was all about. He quickly learned to soothe himself and become content reading the Spanish instructions on the inside wall of his pack 'n play. It wasn't until a few weeks later that he realized there were things hanging over him. The one thing he noticed the most was an octopus dressed in a variety of wild colors. He was confused by it at first. I even think he feared it because it is different. But, after talking to him about not being racist, they became the best of friends. They have conversations all the time now. And, like the best of friends, sometimes Octy says mean things and makes Hugh cry. But they get over it quickly as children often do. As I write this, they are over there having a heart to heart.
An ear piercing shriek rings out in the night. I sit up straight in bed realizing it wasn't me who made the noise this time. Hugh has decided it is time to wake so he can make up for the few hours he missed of crying. The tears roll down his cheeks. He doesn't want his bottle, pacifier, or to lay in bed anymore. He doesn't want his swing or bouncer either. He wants to be held. And yet, he doesn't. He wants everything and nothing all at once. I get myself settled into the rocking chair for another night of slipping in and out of a half sleep as I watch my sanity slowly slip away. Rocking to and fro, my mind slowly oozes out of my ears, onto the floor, and out the door. Goodbye sanity, I barely knew you. We courted a couple of times, but never sealed the deal. The crying continues. My final thought as I slip into oblivion is a curse to whomever invented the purple period of crying. Blackness.
This is what I imagined life as the father of a newborn would be. Praise whatever power you choose to believe in, our little Hubert is a perfect child. This is not a bragging post. Let's make that clear now. However, it will be easily confused as such because of all the awesomeness that this kid is made up of. Let's look at it as a story of hope for all those on the road to being parents.
Since his homecoming (not the High School Dance he is too young for that) he has settled in just fine. There was very little crying at all. He wanted to eat every couple of hours, but who doesn't. He didn't shed a tear until much later. I don't even remember what that was all about. He quickly learned to soothe himself and become content reading the Spanish instructions on the inside wall of his pack 'n play. It wasn't until a few weeks later that he realized there were things hanging over him. The one thing he noticed the most was an octopus dressed in a variety of wild colors. He was confused by it at first. I even think he feared it because it is different. But, after talking to him about not being racist, they became the best of friends. They have conversations all the time now. And, like the best of friends, sometimes Octy says mean things and makes Hugh cry. But they get over it quickly as children often do. As I write this, they are over there having a heart to heart.
The last time we went to Hugh's doctor, she asked us if he cried much, ate a lot, and slept through the night. No, yes, and yes. She said that we don't know what being a real parent is like. I am perfectly fine not knowing. And since it was time for his 2 month vaccinations which happened much closer to 3 months, (yes, we are vaccinating our child because we don't want to rely on a twisted version of a study that people use to claim that vaccinations do more harm than good and not vaccinate their children yet rely on all the other parents to vaccinate their children so that the non vaccinated children don't get a list of diseases. Plus, Polio is a really bad thing I don't want my son to suffer from, as well as many other deadly diseases. But that is a topic for another day) she gave him a physical exam and pronounced him perfect. Then she told us that he was most likely going to cry for the next few days because that is how babies react to vaccinations. Well, the doctor quickly escaped when it was time to start stabbing babies with needles. I should have gone with her, but decided that it was my wife's turn to hold the little guy when people where causing him physical pain. "What a jerk/coward" you say. Nope, I got to do it all through our hospital stay. I especially loved it when they tried to get a gallon of blood from his foot to fill in those stupid circles they send off to the lab. He loved that one. So, fair is fair. She got to hold him. He cried for about 20 seconds and then was fine. Occasionally, he would remember, out of the blue, how the nurse had tried to kill him and start to cry. Then is would pass just as quickly. For the next day, he cried a little and was sort of fussy. Then he was back to being the perfect baby.
As for all that nightmare stuff, we really missed out on it. Hugh is such a happy baby. He only cries when he is hungry, and that is only if you wait too long to feed him. He also cries when he needs a diaper change. Again, only when you wait too long. He gets so excited when you do change him and usually helps by holding his onesie flap for you. He really thinks it is funny when you put the diaper on his chest and set the wipes next to him and say, "there you go. Make sure to get in all your major crevices". That one never gets old. He LOVES bath time and thinks mommy is the funniest bath giver ever.
As for all that nightmare stuff, we really missed out on it. Hugh is such a happy baby. He only cries when he is hungry, and that is only if you wait too long to feed him. He also cries when he needs a diaper change. Again, only when you wait too long. He gets so excited when you do change him and usually helps by holding his onesie flap for you. He really thinks it is funny when you put the diaper on his chest and set the wipes next to him and say, "there you go. Make sure to get in all your major crevices". That one never gets old. He LOVES bath time and thinks mommy is the funniest bath giver ever.
Speaking of finding things funny, this kid is very selective. He associates different things as being funny with different people. Mommy can make funny noises that crack him up. But if Daddy makes those same noises, he gives the look of "seriously? What am I, like two months old?". And it works the other way too. If I pretend like I am going to eat him by making a "HOUP" noise every time I close my mouth and move closer, he thinks it is the funniest thing ever. But mom gets the "seriously" look if she even thinks about trying it. He also really enjoys watching me give the dishes a bath. Oddly enough, so does his mother.
He has started to find his laugh. Usually, he will just smile and coo when he likes something. But lately he has been figuring out this whole laughing thing. Today was a day full of them. We left Walmart and the wind was blowing my wife's hair around. He was letting out his best laugh with every gust. He was so into it that we didn't want to put him in the car. After we got home, he sat in his swing (the king's throne) and laughed and laughed at Percy Jackson. He also was talking to him and singing.
Yes, I said singing. He sings on occasion. It started when I would sing along to the stupid songs his swing plays. There is one he loves in particular. When it comes on he perks up and I sing with it. I don't know the song and I don't know if there are any words to it. But, that never stopped my before. I just make them up as I go. It has turned into his theme song. How many kids have their own theme song? Anyway, when I sing the song, he joins in. How do I know he is singing and not just talking? How do you tell when anyone is singing versus just talking. There is a melodious change in tone to his little voice. That is what he was doing for Mr. Jackson. If you don't know, Percy Jackson is a movie character who is sort of like Harry Potter set in Greek Mythology instead of wizardy stuff.
With all the laughing he does, it turns out he is sensitive to negativity. We noticed he is not very happy around negative people. He likes to stay at home most of the time. Of course, he does like Walmart a lot, unless it is one of those trips where every idiot within 50 miles decides to park their cart in the middle of an isle or sets their cart right in front of the product you are after while they talk on the phone and pretend not to see you. Then he gets cranky. Yep, he is a homebody. I think he gets that from both mom and dad. He is actually sensitive to the vibe (if you will) of a room. Like Chewie, he doesn't like it when I get frustrated or upset. All I have to do is sigh and Chewie will get up and go sit by mom. A few weeks ago, I raised my voice to Chewie because she likes to bark at any noise she hears or imagines she hears. It is a very loud bark trapped in a small room. I told Chewie to shut up. That is all. That sudden bark instantly irritates the crap out of me. I looked over at Hugh and his lower lip was out and there were tears in his eyes. I felt horrible. He isn't used to hearing anything like that. We have a very peaceful home and like to keep it that way. So now I am very cautious of how I say things. I cuss Chewie out in the sweetest baby friendly voice ever. Sadly, it loses its effect on Chewie. She thinks I am praising her for eating underwear that was left on the floor.
Okay, let us side track for a moment. I know there are people out there who think I am making things up or seeing what I want to see. Nobody has a baby that perfect. Well, turns out we do. It is the exact same thing when we tell people that we never fight. This October will be four years together. We have never had a fight. Neither of us like fighting. But, no one believes us. We disagree from time to time. But we talk things through and respect each others opinions. And then I do what my wife tells me to do.
As far as our perfect little baby goes, he does get fussy and he does cry. That is what babies do. He just doesn't do it that much. His fussy times are when he doesn't want to go to bed. But a little cuddle time from mommy fixes that every time. He does cry for no apparent reason, but that is few and far between. Not at all like some of the people who post horror stories about not being able to put the kid down for a second.
My wife likes to read the What To Expect forums to see how other kids are developing. I don't read them because they are full of women who like to bitch and moan about everything. "My husband worked 90 hours this week and only wants to play video games on his one day off". "My nanny isn't paying enough attention to my kid when I pop in once a month to see how my baby is doing. My life is so tough". When a man chimes in they all attack him saying the forum is for mothers only. But they don't hesitate to invade and tear into the "Daddy only" forums. I leave it to her to read all that junk. I don't have the stomach for it. According to the updates she gets, Hugh shouldn't be doing the majority of things he has been doing for a while now.
For example, the three month update says he should now start social smiling and babbling. He has been babbling for at least a month now. That is what he does with Octy and now with Spider man and the Marvel gang on the wall.
He has started to find his laugh. Usually, he will just smile and coo when he likes something. But lately he has been figuring out this whole laughing thing. Today was a day full of them. We left Walmart and the wind was blowing my wife's hair around. He was letting out his best laugh with every gust. He was so into it that we didn't want to put him in the car. After we got home, he sat in his swing (the king's throne) and laughed and laughed at Percy Jackson. He also was talking to him and singing.
Yes, I said singing. He sings on occasion. It started when I would sing along to the stupid songs his swing plays. There is one he loves in particular. When it comes on he perks up and I sing with it. I don't know the song and I don't know if there are any words to it. But, that never stopped my before. I just make them up as I go. It has turned into his theme song. How many kids have their own theme song? Anyway, when I sing the song, he joins in. How do I know he is singing and not just talking? How do you tell when anyone is singing versus just talking. There is a melodious change in tone to his little voice. That is what he was doing for Mr. Jackson. If you don't know, Percy Jackson is a movie character who is sort of like Harry Potter set in Greek Mythology instead of wizardy stuff.
With all the laughing he does, it turns out he is sensitive to negativity. We noticed he is not very happy around negative people. He likes to stay at home most of the time. Of course, he does like Walmart a lot, unless it is one of those trips where every idiot within 50 miles decides to park their cart in the middle of an isle or sets their cart right in front of the product you are after while they talk on the phone and pretend not to see you. Then he gets cranky. Yep, he is a homebody. I think he gets that from both mom and dad. He is actually sensitive to the vibe (if you will) of a room. Like Chewie, he doesn't like it when I get frustrated or upset. All I have to do is sigh and Chewie will get up and go sit by mom. A few weeks ago, I raised my voice to Chewie because she likes to bark at any noise she hears or imagines she hears. It is a very loud bark trapped in a small room. I told Chewie to shut up. That is all. That sudden bark instantly irritates the crap out of me. I looked over at Hugh and his lower lip was out and there were tears in his eyes. I felt horrible. He isn't used to hearing anything like that. We have a very peaceful home and like to keep it that way. So now I am very cautious of how I say things. I cuss Chewie out in the sweetest baby friendly voice ever. Sadly, it loses its effect on Chewie. She thinks I am praising her for eating underwear that was left on the floor.
Okay, let us side track for a moment. I know there are people out there who think I am making things up or seeing what I want to see. Nobody has a baby that perfect. Well, turns out we do. It is the exact same thing when we tell people that we never fight. This October will be four years together. We have never had a fight. Neither of us like fighting. But, no one believes us. We disagree from time to time. But we talk things through and respect each others opinions. And then I do what my wife tells me to do.
As far as our perfect little baby goes, he does get fussy and he does cry. That is what babies do. He just doesn't do it that much. His fussy times are when he doesn't want to go to bed. But a little cuddle time from mommy fixes that every time. He does cry for no apparent reason, but that is few and far between. Not at all like some of the people who post horror stories about not being able to put the kid down for a second.
My wife likes to read the What To Expect forums to see how other kids are developing. I don't read them because they are full of women who like to bitch and moan about everything. "My husband worked 90 hours this week and only wants to play video games on his one day off". "My nanny isn't paying enough attention to my kid when I pop in once a month to see how my baby is doing. My life is so tough". When a man chimes in they all attack him saying the forum is for mothers only. But they don't hesitate to invade and tear into the "Daddy only" forums. I leave it to her to read all that junk. I don't have the stomach for it. According to the updates she gets, Hugh shouldn't be doing the majority of things he has been doing for a while now.
For example, the three month update says he should now start social smiling and babbling. He has been babbling for at least a month now. That is what he does with Octy and now with Spider man and the Marvel gang on the wall.
As for the social smiling, he started doing that in the womb. We have visual proof. I am pretty sure I wrote about that before. He tracks us as we walk. As I said, he finds lots of things funny. He loves to watch TV. His favorites are Loony Tunes, any super hero movie, and as we found out tonight, he is a huge fan of Percy Jackson. A couple days shy of three months old and he already has good taste.
I should mention that he is a little fussier than normal these days. However, I think it has a lot to do with learning so much and cutting teeth. I really thought that was a ways off, but Hugh doesn't agree. We have also been told that we are imagining him teething as well. Well, he has an endless supply of drool coming out of his mouth, you can feel the teeth coming in, and he loves to chew on anything and everything. Even dad.
I should mention that he is a little fussier than normal these days. However, I think it has a lot to do with learning so much and cutting teeth. I really thought that was a ways off, but Hugh doesn't agree. We have also been told that we are imagining him teething as well. Well, he has an endless supply of drool coming out of his mouth, you can feel the teeth coming in, and he loves to chew on anything and everything. Even dad.
The only things he doesn't like chewing on are the things designed to be chewed on during teething. So, either he is teething or he is turning into a dog. Either way will be fun for me.
He is fascinated by watching us eat. He looks at me when I take a bite and is amazed when it disappears. "My dad is freakin' magic" he says. Then he smacks his lips and waits for the next bite.
The only things I can think of that he might be right on schedule or a little behind on are holding his head up during tummy time and rolling over. He gets on his side easy enough. But he just can't make it all the way to his tummy. That should be any day now I think. He has mastered spinning, however. We will put him in his crib with his head toward the wall. When we come back, he is head away from the wall and talking to Spidy. I imagine him laying on his side and running in circles.
All in all, Senior Huberto is a super fun kid. He is low maintenance and typically all smiles. Plus he is really cute. I enjoy spending time with him and I can't wait for him to get a little older. Oh the things we will do. Oh the things I will get me in trouble for teaching him. He has the best mommy ever and his dad is pretty okay too. I can tell he doesn't like me that much because we never have any fun together.
He is fascinated by watching us eat. He looks at me when I take a bite and is amazed when it disappears. "My dad is freakin' magic" he says. Then he smacks his lips and waits for the next bite.
The only things I can think of that he might be right on schedule or a little behind on are holding his head up during tummy time and rolling over. He gets on his side easy enough. But he just can't make it all the way to his tummy. That should be any day now I think. He has mastered spinning, however. We will put him in his crib with his head toward the wall. When we come back, he is head away from the wall and talking to Spidy. I imagine him laying on his side and running in circles.
All in all, Senior Huberto is a super fun kid. He is low maintenance and typically all smiles. Plus he is really cute. I enjoy spending time with him and I can't wait for him to get a little older. Oh the things we will do. Oh the things I will get me in trouble for teaching him. He has the best mommy ever and his dad is pretty okay too. I can tell he doesn't like me that much because we never have any fun together.
At the end of the day, it is so nice to know that when we are all snug in our beds (he has his own. We don't believe in this co-sleeping crap. Another great topic. Maybe I should do a "Crap I Don't Believe in Doing" blog) our little guy is so happy and that we have created a home where he feels safe and loved. It is also nice to know that when he wakes up around 6 am for a quick bottle and more sleep, and then wakes again around 8 or so, my amazing wife will be there to get it for him and let me sleep. My wife really is amazing. Have I told you that she is amazing? She is so amazing.