Things I have learned so far.
Allow me to explain this blog idea. My wife has been reading the What To Expect forums again. Those women really chap my khakis. You just can't please any of them. There is always something new to complain about. For example, a typical line of reason from any thread. The daddy comes home from work and just sits on the couch watching TV. He complains about being tired and how the mommy has not done anything while he was gone. Okay, understandable and valid. But, if daddy does help out by cooking dinner when he gets home, she complains that he doesn't spend time with his kid. If he opts to watch the kid while she cooks, she is his slave. If he orders take out, he is obviously cheating on mommy. To me, that was the perfect solution. No one has to cook. Everyone can spend time together. But no. That is a slap in her face for some reason that completely baffles me.
After post after post of complaining women, tonight's highlight takes the cake. It isn't so much the post as the comments from the other women. Basically, the "lady" said her husband is totally into the kid. So much so that when they got away for a few days to a cabin in the woods, all he talked about was the kid. She is feeling left out. She talked to him about it but nothing changed :( That is all the info she gave.
We really didn't see a whole lot to go on in this post. However, we must have missed something because all the women were totally behind her. "If my husband tried that with me he would find himself single real quick". "Your husband is an A-hole". "My husband would never treat me like that". "I would straight up kill him to death in the face for ever thinking of acting like that".** What did we miss?
**Not actual quotes but basically close enough for quotation marks
Here is another almost quote. "I stopped having sex with my husband as soon as I found out I was pregnant. My child is now six months old and we still have not done the deed. My husband doesn't pay much attention to me anymore. I catch him looking at other women all the time. I think he might be cheating on me but I can't prove it. He doesn't even have enough time in his schedule to squeeze in a mistress because he is so very busy working hard. So, it is actually impossible for him to be cheating. But I still think he is. I don't feel pretty anymore so I don't want him touching me. I am constantly reminding him to do things he forgets to do or does not see as a priority like I do. He says I'm "nagging" him. It really makes me angry when he tries to fix things when a plumber would do a better job. He flies off the handle if I even suggest that he call a professional. "It costs too much money" he whines. He also complains when he comes home from work and nothing has been done around the house. Doesn't he know how hard it is to raise a child? How am I supposed to get anything done when the nanny won't keep the baby quiet long enough for me to get my third nap in? I stopped sleeping in the same bed as him because he disgusts me every time he tries to get frisky with me. Why doesn't he look at me like he used to?" Lady, I don't even know you and I don't want to touch you, let alone look in your general direction. I am pretty sure your husband looks at you like Lady Gaga. A whole bundle of crazy that so many people, who don't have to live with her, adore for no clear reason at all other than she is equal parts crazy and freakin' nutty. You are the one who needs to call a professional therapist. (I really missed my calling as an advice columnist. I really did)
Sadly, this is not far from the truth. If you don't believe me, go look for yourself. Odds are you will not make it through a single thread without at least ten pounds of crazy leaking out of your monitor. I am not saying all the post on there are full of it. There are some very valid complaints. "My husband told me I had to have my baby shower at home. Then he told me I had to have it in the back yard because he was not leaving the house and it would get too loud for him. When the guests showed up, he moved everything to the garage and said we all had to be quiet. Why would he do something like this?"** Well, honey, your husband is an a-hole.
**Actual quote was changed to protect the innocent
So, how do we avoid being poo pooed by all the women in the world? You can't. But you can do your best. Here are those tips I talked about a very long time ago at the beginning of this post that somehow got sidetracked for a very long picture-less time.
Do Stuff.
1. Make sure to change some diapers.
2. Hold the kid
3. Learn to feed the kid
4. Interact with the kid
5. Make sure the kid knows who you are
6. CCR (Cook, clean, and Romance your lady)
7. Mimic her actions
8. Make sure there is mommy daddy time
9. Make sure to have family time
10. Smile and nod
Now that I have imparted my recently collected wisdom, it is up to you now. Let us all band together as fathers and squash that stereotype that all dads are idiots who are incapable of taking care of a kid. I know, the women who are reading this are thinking, "Good lord! When is this guy going to get off the topic of idiot dads?'. Well, it is just like any prejudice. We all claim not to have them. But still, we all lock our doors when a man in a hockey mask wanders from car to car in the parking lot. We all know he is planning to kill us. All it takes is for one deranged psychopath to go on one tiny killing spree to make everyone automatically assume that everyone who wears a hockey mask is also a murderer. But, have you ever considered that the man in the mask might be late for a hockey game, has to get ready on the way, and is unable to find his car? Have you ever tried to locate your vehicle while peering through those little holes? Not so simple as you might think. Or maybe he is just ugly and ashamed. To that I say, shame on you society. Shame on you for making him feel bad. (This was the least offensive politically correct example I could think of)
The same concept applies to all dads. Any time I bring this up, women go out of their way to tell me they don't think dads are idiots. However, they are shocked when they find that I stay home with Hugh when my wife needs to go out. Even more shocking is that not only is Hugh still alive when she comes back, but he is happy and taken care of. And even more shocking is that my wife is perfectly comfortable leaving him with me. They are also amazed when they find out I actually take an active role in his life. I can't count how many times women have stated, with a bit of surprise, that he likes his daddy. They are surprised when I know how old he is, can comfort him, Entertain him, and that I can and will change a diaper. The list goes on and on. Women are always amazed when dads do stuff without moms holding their hands. Admit it ladies, deep down inside you think men are inferior at child rearing. Admit it. I will not continue until you do.
By reading this part you are finally admitting it is true. Good, because I am pretty much finished here. But before I go, I need to do my wife justice. None of this applies to her. She is too awesome to be like that. Have I ever mentioned how awesome she is? She is awesome. My information is mostly based on these insufferable women who cry about the stupidest things on that ever so pathetic forum. I am not calling the What To Expect site pathetic. Honestly, it is very informative and nicely constructed. Much like my awesome wife.
This post started out being directed to the men who read this (both of them), but will end with a message for the ladies. Ladies, it only takes one idiot to make you see all dads as a bunch of Homer Simpsons bumbling around this fatherhood thing. Don't let that one idiot cloud your vision. Don't be so shocked when you you learn that a mother can leave a baby with its daddy and not worry one bit. There are some great dads out there, more than you might think. But, if you just can't shake the stereotype that has been pounded into your head since birth, that is understandable. Just remember, as much of a fool as Homer is, with all the stupid things he has done from episode to episode, he has sacrificed so many things for the sake of his family. A family he loves dearly and would do anything for.