The Final Frontier
For those of you waiting for this post, I have news for you. You might have waited for nothing. We didn't do a whole lot. I don't have much to work with.
The evening started with the end of a previous class' reunion. They came in with their babies and introduced themselves. Then they stole some cookies and left.
Following that, Dr. Mills, who is a local pediatrician, came in for a Q&A session. He answered questions about things like circumcision, testing your baby for certain things, and vaccinations. The latter was of great interest to me. There is a whole lot of talk about vaccines giving you what they are supposed to prevent, leading to autism, and several other things along those lines. He said he was biased because he has seen children die from meningitis and other preventable conditions. Those are things he never wants to see again. Without giving a detailed word for word account, I will simply say it was nice to hear from a doctor who is clearly willing to be honest. Then he stole some cookies and left.
Following that, we were forced to watch a movie. It was called something like "The Color Purple" or "The Purple Crying Game". I can't recall. What I do recall is that it was all about not being a freaking idiot and shaking your baby because it won't stop crying. The moral of the story was that babies cry. Babies cry a lot. Some babies cry even more than a lot. That is what babies do. Don't shake them.
I think men, and some women because I don't want to sound sexist, should visualize the baby as their favorite game console that isn't working properly. You should hold it and soothe it until it is ready to work. Don't shake it. Don't throw it. And, don't drop kick it. It is hard to play Xbox in prison.
And then we all watched some Bill Cosby. Always good. And then Lori, the teacher and baby nurse, took us on a tour of the hospital. But, not before she stole the rest of the cookies.
The tour was interesting. A dozen pregnant women traipsing across the very large hospital without rest stops. It was a race against time more than anything. I have to say it is a very impressive hospital. We have dealt with the staff more than I care to. Not that they are bad, just the opposite actually. They are pretty awesome. I am saying I would have rather not been at the hospital at all.
We ended in the birthing suite, which we have been in before. We got to see all the stuff they keep in the room. The bed they use for delivery is very intricate. I suspect it is actually a transformer. You move this here, that there, this thing over here, and POW! Chin up bar. Move all that stuff a different way and BOOM! Creepy torture table. Do the old part switcharoo and KAZOWIE! Alien delivery robot. Hopefully not an evil one.
It was all fun until she told us we were not allowed to bring booze the the delivery. I was ready to go right then. Apparently, it is not uncommon for people to stock the mini fridge with beer. Great idea. Poor execution. I would modify an overnight bag to serve as a cooler. If I was to attempt it. Which I am not planning to do *wink*wink*. Seriously, that would be stupid....... when a flask is so much easier to hide.
In closing, I would like to thank our teacher Lori. She has been awesome. We learned a lot. She is so much fun. We really hope she will be there when it is time to deliver. Other than that, I forgot to mention the fundus. The end.
The evening started with the end of a previous class' reunion. They came in with their babies and introduced themselves. Then they stole some cookies and left.
Following that, Dr. Mills, who is a local pediatrician, came in for a Q&A session. He answered questions about things like circumcision, testing your baby for certain things, and vaccinations. The latter was of great interest to me. There is a whole lot of talk about vaccines giving you what they are supposed to prevent, leading to autism, and several other things along those lines. He said he was biased because he has seen children die from meningitis and other preventable conditions. Those are things he never wants to see again. Without giving a detailed word for word account, I will simply say it was nice to hear from a doctor who is clearly willing to be honest. Then he stole some cookies and left.
Following that, we were forced to watch a movie. It was called something like "The Color Purple" or "The Purple Crying Game". I can't recall. What I do recall is that it was all about not being a freaking idiot and shaking your baby because it won't stop crying. The moral of the story was that babies cry. Babies cry a lot. Some babies cry even more than a lot. That is what babies do. Don't shake them.
I think men, and some women because I don't want to sound sexist, should visualize the baby as their favorite game console that isn't working properly. You should hold it and soothe it until it is ready to work. Don't shake it. Don't throw it. And, don't drop kick it. It is hard to play Xbox in prison.
And then we all watched some Bill Cosby. Always good. And then Lori, the teacher and baby nurse, took us on a tour of the hospital. But, not before she stole the rest of the cookies.
The tour was interesting. A dozen pregnant women traipsing across the very large hospital without rest stops. It was a race against time more than anything. I have to say it is a very impressive hospital. We have dealt with the staff more than I care to. Not that they are bad, just the opposite actually. They are pretty awesome. I am saying I would have rather not been at the hospital at all.
We ended in the birthing suite, which we have been in before. We got to see all the stuff they keep in the room. The bed they use for delivery is very intricate. I suspect it is actually a transformer. You move this here, that there, this thing over here, and POW! Chin up bar. Move all that stuff a different way and BOOM! Creepy torture table. Do the old part switcharoo and KAZOWIE! Alien delivery robot. Hopefully not an evil one.
It was all fun until she told us we were not allowed to bring booze the the delivery. I was ready to go right then. Apparently, it is not uncommon for people to stock the mini fridge with beer. Great idea. Poor execution. I would modify an overnight bag to serve as a cooler. If I was to attempt it. Which I am not planning to do *wink*wink*. Seriously, that would be stupid....... when a flask is so much easier to hide.
In closing, I would like to thank our teacher Lori. She has been awesome. We learned a lot. She is so much fun. We really hope she will be there when it is time to deliver. Other than that, I forgot to mention the fundus. The end.