In all the excitement of becoming a father, I have only focused on the birth aspect of life. Today, we experienced the opposite end of the spectrum and are going through all the emotions related to death. You see, Hubigail's grandma passed away this morning.
I know that when someone passes, it is typical for others to glorify them in death. I have seen this many times. But, I don't feel the need to do so here. My mother was already glorious in life. She gave birth to and raised eight children. What could be more glorious than that? I have many fond memories as well as not so fond memories. But that is how a relationship with your mother seems to work. If you are not upset with her at some point in your life she didn't do her job right. So, now I think I will take a little walk down memory lane for a bit.
That is what my fondest memories of her are. One of her most favorite things to do was sit around and reminisce. This would usually turn into a series of laughing sessions. She would tell stories about her family growing up. How her brother would duck out of work to shoot Japanese planes down with a stick while she finished working his rows (this was a different time). Then she would tell about our family growing up. These stories were usually more along the lines of going camping with the twins and finding out they painted the inside of the tent with the contents of their diapers. I guess with eight kids you never run out of stories like that to tell.
My most personal memory of her is when I was just a wee lad. I remember I had won a goldfish from the carnival or some such. I thought it was so much fun to feed it. There really isn't much else you can do with a goldfish. They don't quite grasp the concept of fetch. Anyway, I had finished feeding my fish for about the tenth time before we had to go somewhere. When we came home, the fish was practicing floating upside down on the surface of the bowl. I cried so hard over that. My mom sat with me and stroked my hair while singing "When the Red, Red Robin Comes Bob-Bob Bobbin' Along". Not a whole lot to the memory but it was something special to me and I will treasure it always.
I remember through my teen years we had our ups and downs. But, that is what teen years are all about. What changed my opinion of my mother is when I realized that she was a person. As a kid, you tend to think of your parents as a source for things (money, that candy bar she was about to eat, etc.). No, my mother enjoyed doing things other than making me a sandwich.
The hardest thing for me was coming to terms with her getting older. I didn't want to face it. About seven years ago, I moved from Oregon to Missouri. I did this for several reasons. One of the major factors was that I did not want to be there when my parents passed. I knew it was selfish, but I didn't think I could handle being there for it. So, I never planned on moving back.
After about three years in Missouri, I got to talking with my soon to be wife (if you want to know more about that see my "When Mommy met Daddy" post). I came back for a family reunion as well as a chance to see my wife face to face and find out for sure if we had something we could build on. Obviously we did or Hubigail wouldn't be on the way. Anyway, in order for me to be with my wife, I knew I had to move back to Oregon. In doing so, I knew I would be there when my parents went. I decided it was worth it so I moved back and began preparing myself for the inevitable.
Let me tell you, nothing you do can truly prepare you for the loss of a parent. Over the last few years, her mind began to fail her. It started with being forgetful and proceeded to clear signs of early dementia. She was in an auto accident that caused her to break her neck and her condition to accelerate. She was never quite able to hold on to the present from then on. About a month or so after the accident, she fell out of bed and re-broke her neck and broke her back in two places. After this, she was constantly living in various parts of her past. After the first accident, it was like my mother was no longer there anymore. After the second, we knew it was only a matter of time before she was gone. It was sad to think that none of us would ever get to truly say goodbye to her.
But, being the amazing mother she was, she made sure we could. She called us all down to the hospital. She said she was going to die that night and that we needed to say goodbye. I rushed my dad down there as fast as I could. When we got to the room, she was as clear as ever. She told me how proud she was of me and that I better take care of the baby. It was a beautiful moment I will always remember. I got to say goodbye to my mother. So did some of the other kids. She made sure we could.
She kept saying we all better hurry and get there before she left. Well, she didn't pass on that night. But, what we think happened was that she had a moment of clarity and knew it wouldn't last very long. As the night went on, she slowly slipped back into her confusion and never really came back out. That was about a month ago (give or take). She came home and slowly slipped away. It is hard knowing that someone is going to die, but you just don't know when. You see that they no longer are in this world but their body still lives on. All you can do is pray that they will soon be released and can finally be at peace. It is a great relief when they do go. You know there is no more suffering and all is right for them once again. I was not at her side the moment she went. I think that is a good thing for me because I don't know that I could have handled it. I did see her the night before and got to say goodbye again.
I am sad that she is gone and I will always miss her. But, she lived a very full life that she could be proud of. She raised eight kids, that for the most part, turned out alright. She had a very loving husband for fifty three years and twelve grandchildren. Hubigail will make thirteen. She also had one great grandchild. I am sad that she will never see Hubigail in this life. She always said I needed to be a father. I do believe they will meet in the between time. And as for Hubigail, there are several people to tell her story; mommy and daddy, aunts and uncles, cousins, and aunty-cousins. My mother will live on through all of our memories. I love you and miss you mom.
And since I can not find a picture of just my mom and I, I will leave you with my most favorite picture of my parents ever since I was very little.