a.k.a. How bad will I screw his kid up?
Every guy wonders what kind of a dad we will be. I have to say that I wonder this all the time. I think I will be pretty good. People keep telling me I am going to be great. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a magician. People told me I would be great. Were they patronizing me? Or, did they just see the potential in me for the art of deception? Either way. I also thought that my new shoes made me run faster. People never told me I was wrong. So, when they say you are going to be great, I take it with a grain of salt.
I will be a great dad because I will get up in the middle of the night when the baby cries. Actually, I see it more like a case of, "Well, I guess nobody is gonna sleep tonight unless someone makes that thing stop". I will be a great dad because I change diapers. Is there any other way to make the smell go away? I will be a great dad because when I hold the baby, I cradle it so tenderly in my arms. Those things are fragile. I don't want to break it. I also don't want to drop it. Could you imagine the hell I would get?
I like to come up with a plan for raising a kid. This is a sort of list of things I want to do and how to do them. This depends on the gender. As we are about to find out soon, my plans are at a fork in the road. I have to wonder, are my boy plans going to work on a girl? Are my girl plans going to work on a boy? Who am I kidding? I don't have any girl plans. I just have boy plans that can be adapted to a girl.
I will be a great dad because I will get up in the middle of the night when the baby cries. Actually, I see it more like a case of, "Well, I guess nobody is gonna sleep tonight unless someone makes that thing stop". I will be a great dad because I change diapers. Is there any other way to make the smell go away? I will be a great dad because when I hold the baby, I cradle it so tenderly in my arms. Those things are fragile. I don't want to break it. I also don't want to drop it. Could you imagine the hell I would get?
I like to come up with a plan for raising a kid. This is a sort of list of things I want to do and how to do them. This depends on the gender. As we are about to find out soon, my plans are at a fork in the road. I have to wonder, are my boy plans going to work on a girl? Are my girl plans going to work on a boy? Who am I kidding? I don't have any girl plans. I just have boy plans that can be adapted to a girl.
For example, Vader most definitely wanted a son to follow in his footsteps. He wanted Luke to rise through the dark ranks and rule the galaxy with him. You might think that is a horrible thing to wish on your child. But, is it any worse to wish for your son to join the family business and rule the county as father and son sewage pumpers? It is all a matter of perspective. What we should take from that example is that Vader cared enough for his son to want him to be successful. He also wanted to be part of his son's life. And, what did his son do? Turned into a teenage girl and cried, "I'll never join you! I hate you! Boo Hooo you cut off my hand!". I think Vader chose Luke because it is easier for men to relate to a son than it is to relate to a daughter. What if the boy is not interested? Can a girl be just as good? Leia technically had Jedi potential. Since his crybaby son was now hell bent on destroying him, Vader shifted his thoughts toward raising his daughter to that high place beside him.
Vader would have been such a great dad had they given him the chance. He was very caring. He was stereotyped into being the bad guy all the time. People are too caught up on their own sets of morals and pressing others into their mold of what people should be. We don't know what he did in his little eggshell room where he took off his mask. I like to think he daydreamed of what his life could have been if he wasn't played by Hayden Christensen. He might have achieved so much. He might even have gained custody of the kids.
Everyone thinks Padme (Luke and Leia's mom) was so good. Let's take a look at her for a moment. She lured a much younger man into her bedroom (cougar). She knew he was emotionally unstable and rather than get help she made things worse by fueling his rage (inciter of violence). She wore skimpy outfits that led a young Jedi to stray from the path of good (seductress) only to talk him into breaking the Jedi law by taking a wife (criminal). Not only did she wear skimpy outfits, if she was wearing an outfit that wasn't showing enough skin, she would find a way to tear it on something (trollop). Did I mention she was a politician (politician)? So, what made her so good? She was always claiming to try and change Anakin for the better. Was she? Was she now? She also encouraged him to constantly break the Jedi code. Hmmm.....
She is so wholesome and pure. Mrs. Jedi Perfect Mom? I think not. More like Madam Manipulator. She was so bad that, even in death, her daughter still turned out like this.
Had Vader raised her, you can bet she turned out like this.
So, my point is that women should not raise kids? No, not at all. What I sort of rambled off on a tangent about was that everyone judges you by their own standards. They say I am going to be a great dad, but what happens when they disagree with something I do? My wife and I have discussed several topics and approaches to parenting.
You need to nurture your child. We agree. We don't agree that we need to give them everything they want. Our belief is that a parent's job is to prepare a child for life. They need to know how to take care of themselves. They should be able to cook basic stuff (Top Ramen) so that if you can not be home on time they will not turn into a skin bag with some bones in it. I am the youngest of eight kids. I always had someone to do things for me. Therefore, I didn't learn to do things until later in life. You are not doing your kid any favors by doing everything for them. I know from first hand experience.
Children were not born to be your slaves. True. But, nothing says they need to sit on their butt and play video games while you clean up their mess. They also need to learn to keep a house for when the day comes they have their own place. The most important lesson to be learned from chores (I said a dirty word) is how to be a productive member of the family unit. Mowing the lawn or doing their own laundry will not kill them. They may even learn how to take pride in their work and gain a feeling of accomplishment, or heaven forbid, a work ethic.
You should be your kid's best friend. Wrong. That is what a dog is for. You should be your kid's parent first. You are not 12. Your job is to make sure they don't do something stupid and end up losing an eye. Should you fail, it then becomes your job to teach them all about pirates. In fact, the less your child ends up looking like a pirate the better a job you did.
You should be your kid's best friend. Wrong. That is what a dog is for. You should be your kid's parent first. You are not 12. Your job is to make sure they don't do something stupid and end up losing an eye. Should you fail, it then becomes your job to teach them all about pirates. In fact, the less your child ends up looking like a pirate the better a job you did.
Speaking of pirates, ninjas are cool too. But, which is cooler? This is the great debate your child will have at some point. It is your job to help them figure this out by laying out the options. Pirates are cool.
Ninjas are pretty darn cool as well.
So, how do you help your child choose for themselves? You don't choose for them. You don't sway them to one side or the other. You most certainly do not trick them into seeing things the way you want them to. You should just share some sage advice, sit back, and wait for them to come around.
The above passage had nothing to do with Ninjas, Pirates, or Jedi in case you took it at face value.
I am way off course again. Let's get back to it. I have a bad case of the shinys today. What are the shinys? I will tell you exactly what the... oooooooo, shiny. What is that?
I am way off course again. Let's get back to it. I have a bad case of the shinys today. What are the shinys? I will tell you exactly what the... oooooooo, shiny. What is that?
Emotionally speaking, you also need to let your kids experience negative emotions as well as positive. If they never experience heartache, what happens when they get into the real world and someone breaks their heart? Are they going to break someone's face or take time to heal? It is your job to help them through these tough times and learn from them. it is not your job to smack talk and the like.
Bullying is a tough one. In my day, bullies were jerks. And that was about it. We all got bullied. We survived. Sometimes we got into fights. And that was the end of it. Today, we have social media helping to extend that bullying beyond school hours. Kids don't know when to stop. Two kids get in a fight, one loses. The friend of the loser beats up the winner. Friend of the winner now beats up the friend of the loser. Friend of the loser gathers a posse and rumbles with the winners posse. Someone kills them self. Everyone is sad. A month later, two kids get in a fight... Rinse and repeat. I have no answer for this. But, I suspect that we might look into the removal of social media until a time in which the child can handle it. It will not make them happy, but you are not their best friend. You are their parent. And, I don't think you lashing out at the other kid is going to do any good for your kid. Which leads me to the next point.
Your job is to set the example. Your kid is a sponge. They will absorb everything you say and do. Then, you will be shocked when they start acting like you.
Bullying is a tough one. In my day, bullies were jerks. And that was about it. We all got bullied. We survived. Sometimes we got into fights. And that was the end of it. Today, we have social media helping to extend that bullying beyond school hours. Kids don't know when to stop. Two kids get in a fight, one loses. The friend of the loser beats up the winner. Friend of the winner now beats up the friend of the loser. Friend of the loser gathers a posse and rumbles with the winners posse. Someone kills them self. Everyone is sad. A month later, two kids get in a fight... Rinse and repeat. I have no answer for this. But, I suspect that we might look into the removal of social media until a time in which the child can handle it. It will not make them happy, but you are not their best friend. You are their parent. And, I don't think you lashing out at the other kid is going to do any good for your kid. Which leads me to the next point.
Your job is to set the example. Your kid is a sponge. They will absorb everything you say and do. Then, you will be shocked when they start acting like you.
In my opinion, sexy is not a word kids should know no matter how innocent you think it is.
And then there was attachment parenting. This is a very controversial subject. If you don't know what it is, look it up. I don't have the word space to get into it here. I am going to express my opinion on this subject. You may do it and it works great for you, awesome! For us, this just seems wrong.
We are entitled to that opinion as you are yours. We have heard or read that a lot of people do the attachment parenting and are completely worn out. I wonder why.
I get the "creating a bond" thing. I understand how that is important. But how long does it go on?
My gut feeling in this whole movement is not so much that the child needs all that nurturing as the parent needs to be "needed" and can not let go. But, I am no psychologist.
What I am, however, is psychic. You are all saying, "I am so offended!", "What the hell do you know?", "You don't have a child so you don't know anything", "Talk to me when you have your kid", "You don't know me!", "Your kid is going to be so screwed up", and "Hey, I never thought of that." That last one was only one person and, it is my wife. What I have to say is, "you might be right". We don't know the long term effects of attachment parenting. So, you might be wrong, too. I guess one day we will see. Whatever the answer, I hope it works out in favor of everyone. Let's move on to a friendlier topic.
What I am, however, is psychic. You are all saying, "I am so offended!", "What the hell do you know?", "You don't have a child so you don't know anything", "Talk to me when you have your kid", "You don't know me!", "Your kid is going to be so screwed up", and "Hey, I never thought of that." That last one was only one person and, it is my wife. What I have to say is, "you might be right". We don't know the long term effects of attachment parenting. So, you might be wrong, too. I guess one day we will see. Whatever the answer, I hope it works out in favor of everyone. Let's move on to a friendlier topic.
So, they all say I am going to be a great father. And, now that I have spoken up about my feelings on certain things, some of them think maybe they were wrong. Others are saying that I am thinking I will have a perfect child, but I will fall victim to the age old trap of not realizing how hard it is to be a parent. I have no delusions about the amount of work being a parent is. It has to be the hardest job of all. But, if you do it right, you will get one of the greatest rewards there is. A kid that does not turn out like this.
That is all I want. I don't want a little hooker. I don't want a little punk either.
I just want a normal kid that is sort of funny, has a curious nature, but no too curious. Isn't afraid to try new things, but won't live by the "YOLO" code. And, is funny.
But, I guess that is all up to us. No pressure.
Basically, none of us knows the right way to raise a child. They are all different. Times are constantly changing, so we have to adapt. What works for my kid may not work for yours and vice versa. Knowing you are going to be responsible for that kid is a very pants pooping exciting thing. So, are you going to be a good father? Am I going to be a good father? Know one knows. Remember, Darth Vader was a good father from a certain perspective. The only person who can judge that is you and your kid (someday after they quit hating you for doing your job). But, to help make you feel better, here is the most comforting advice I have found from a dad we can all respect. I think it says it all.
Basically, none of us knows the right way to raise a child. They are all different. Times are constantly changing, so we have to adapt. What works for my kid may not work for yours and vice versa. Knowing you are going to be responsible for that kid is a very pants pooping exciting thing. So, are you going to be a good father? Am I going to be a good father? Know one knows. Remember, Darth Vader was a good father from a certain perspective. The only person who can judge that is you and your kid (someday after they quit hating you for doing your job). But, to help make you feel better, here is the most comforting advice I have found from a dad we can all respect. I think it says it all.
And, thank you for following me along my winding thought patterns.